Look up the price of a Jake Gyllenhall signed 8″x10″ glossy.
Empty your checking account.
Write out a check for the price of the photo.
Go to the Canadian Rockies. Refer to it not as the Canadian Rockies, but as Wyoming.
Sleep outside on your back, with the bad check lying underneath you.
Wake. Burn the bad check in your campfire and scatter the ashes on the mountain.
Return home saddened.