Brokeback Piece

Look up the price of a Jake Gyllenhall signed 8″x10″ glossy.

Empty your checking account.

Write out a check for the price of the photo.

Go to the Canadian Rockies. Refer to it not as the Canadian Rockies, but as Wyoming.

Sleep outside on your back, with the bad check lying underneath you.

Wake. Burn the bad check in your campfire and scatter the ashes on the mountain.

Return home saddened.

 

Christmas Reflection

After Christmas, order gift wrapping from an online store. Ship it to yourself. Do not choose the “Gift Wrap” option.

When the package arrives, open it. Write down a wish list on the wrapping paper. Suggested list items: gift wrapping paper, Amazon packing materials.

Give the box to someone who reuses boxes at Christmas.
Give the rest of the wrapping paper to someone who wrapped a present this year. Give the receipt to a family member who returned their gift.
Give the wish list to a retired mall santa.

 

Limited Unlimited

A digital image is composed, comprising the words “UNLIMITED EDITION” in the center of the page, the artist’s name in the lower right, and “/∞” below the artist’s name.

10 sheets of paper are prepared with white tape covering the space where “UN,” of “Unlimited” and the infinity symbol are printed.

The 10 prepared sheets are inserted in the middle of a sheaf of papers to print. The entire sheaf is printed.

The tape is removed from the 10 prepared sheets.

Computer

The words “YES OR NO” are converted to ASCII. The ASCII message is encoded in binary: three rows are formed on a board of FR4 epoxy, using grains of silicon for zeros and copper pellets for ones.

A long copper wire is soldered to the copper pellets in the middle “OR” row. Then the board is sealed with Electro-spray, fixing the pellets in place, and the board is mounted to the wall.

The hanging end of the wire is attached to a relay race baton.

The Joke by Milan Kundera

A leather strap, previously used by a Czech university student to carry his political texts until he succumbed to the dulling allure of rock and roll and gave up on pursuing education or a principled life, is used to bind together the complete works of Heidegger. Atop the bundle sits an uncollapsible hat, just large enough to be inconvenient to pack.

All of this is suspended in the air by balloons full of helium. On the balloons is printed the complete works of Milan Kundera.

Underneath the suspended bundle lies a womanizer and an idealist. They gaze, touch, and flirt like illicit lovers, but in their hurry to disrobe they forgot to remove their shoes so their pants are stuck around their ankles. This has irrevocably robbed this and all their future moments together of all erotic potential. The womanizer suppresses a laugh. The idealist gives up on Communism.